Wednesday, August 31, 2005

No Tumor

Last Call
If you ever liked any of the patterns from Smart Yarns, today is the last day to print/save them. There were a few I really liked, including a shawl, so I went here and printed them out.

Vestibular Troubles
The MRI came out fine. There is no tumor. There is, however, some vestibular trouble. This is contributing to the vertigo. They'll tell me more soon and I'll be doing research on that. Thanks so much for your prayers, wam wishes, and thoughtful e-mails. Even when your body feels horrible, it's nice to have some positive words spoken/written in a caring fashion.

There will be more tests and more doctor visits but knowing there is no tumor is a huge load off of my shoulders. I contemplated what my child would do without me. I know my husband loves me but I figure he's lived more years without me than with me. Therefore, it would be easier for him to cope, to move on, if something grave were wrong with me. I don't want to think of my child growing up without me. I realize there are other ways to die besides cancer but I still feel better about being around for my family now that cancer has been ruled out as a current culprit.

Afghan Progress
I'm almost finished with skein 6. Life has just been too hectic to get much knitting done. My mom is getting excited about the afghan and loves the fact that it's almost ready. Unfortunately, I pulled a stitch near the bottom which created an error I need to fix. I need to examine it further to decide the best way to repair it.

I'll try to post some pictures before the weekend ends. My family reunion is coming up in a furious fashion; so I'm left with little time to to photograph anything. I'm trying to finish up the name tags for the reunion tonight so there will be no knitting at all. That's 3 days this week of no knitting, coupled with days of limited knitting, resulting in little progress.

I miss knitting the afghan. As I've mentioned before, it has truly comforted me to knit it.

Much has happened to me in the course of knitting this afghan. Some was good and some was bad. I feel like so much of my lost child is caught up in the knitting of this blanket. I almost hate to give it away but since it's for my mom it will be okay.

My blog is over a year old. I didn't do a blog-aversary or anything similar because it didn't seem monumental. There are so many people blogging these days, who have been blogging for quite a while, so my little date in May seemed like any other day. I am still glad to blog after this time and it's interesting to look back on how my attitude about knitting, yarn, and tools have changed over this year.

I also had a birthday, myself. I'm 22. plus interest, again. After losing my baby, I didn't feel like celebrating my birthday at all. I did want to treat myself to something nice, though. So...I bought myself 2 Lantern Moon bags for my birthday. One of my co-workers also gave me knitting note cards and yarn. I still feel like I can't celebrate but I do feel less like crying...and I'm enjoying my LM bags!

The statistics and the pictures are heart-wrenching. Katrina brings back memories of Isabel for me. We were very fortunate during Isabel but the victims of Katrina got what all hurricane victims fear. I'm still so emotional right now and the thought of these people losing all they have, without know when things will return to some semblance or normal, is disturbing, to say the least. If you can, send help to them. The Red Cross is just one foundation that's helping. Your local news stations probably has informations on ways your community can help if you are uncomfortable with giving to the Red Cross.

Looking forward to a peaceful moment this weekend, though I'll have to steal it.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Closer to an Answer

I had the MRI today. It's an unnerving experience.

They said my doctor will have the results in a few days.

Since they didn't grab me and say they needed to call a technician or doctor immediately, I'm going to just continue to think positive thoughts.

If I don't hear from the doctor's office by Wednesday, I'm calling them.

Also, why in the world is the MRI processing so incredibly loud?!?

Thursday, August 25, 2005

MRI Tomorrow

The MRI is tomorrow. I'm a little nervous but not too extremely nervous. Hopefully, I have some answers soon.

I don't know how long it takes to get the results. I was planning to ask before now but I've been so busy. I will definitely be asking tomorrow.

I've gotten more done on the afghan. It's hard to get a good picture of it now that's it's so much larger. There are a little over 5 skeins in it now, the 100 gram skeins, rather than the 50 grams. I'm wondering if I'm going to need the 10 skeins or if 9 will be sufficient. Since I still have not located skein number 10, I'm hoping 9 will be enough.

I got some very nice comments when sharing it with a few fellow-knitters as well as non-knitters today. I don't always need the positive attention of others but with all that's happened lately, I welcomed the positive feedback!

I'm dealing with the miscarriage pretty well now. It was really tough at first. I never thought that miscarriage were easy for people to get over but I had no idea the range and depth of emotions you experience. I think it's something that people still feel is taboo to discuss, which makes it a little tough. Something small will remind me of the baby, which gives me very mixed emotions. Knitting has really helped me focus my attention elsewhere when I feel down about the situation.

I'm still excited to hear when other people have babies. I don't think I could handle attending a baby shower but I know I'd enjoy making or buying baby items for an expectant mother. I have no idea when things will feel more like normal but I'm hoping it's soon.

Thanks again to everyone for your comments.

On a humorous but slightly sad note, I killed my cell phone today. No animals or persons were harmed in the undoing of my phone.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

About 1/2 Way There

I'm about half way through my mother's afghan. I'll try to post a picture tomorrow. It's been therapeutic for me to knit it.

I was supposed to have an MRI, but I found out I was pregnant.

The joy and anticipation of pregnancy was slightly clouded with the fact that I might have a tumor, but the MRI was postponed and another test planned.

Then, sadly, I miscarried.

I know, could this get any sadder?

So, I've been knitting my mom's afghan, as I try to get over the loss. I'll talk to my doctor in a few days to see if they are going to go ahead with the MRI now.

I'm feeling pretty good about the afghan. I've gotten a lot of work done on it, considering I tinked/unknit in excess of 20 rows to correct an error.

When I finish this blanket, my son has requested a new blanket for him. I'm looking for a stitch pattern that doesn't look to feminine. I'm leaning toward the basketweave pattern but still not sure yet.

I'm also thinking of jumping on making my caps to turn into the Guild for our charity donations. Strangely, I'm feeling drawn to make baby items. I'm guessing that urge will wane as my hormones are back to their normal non-pregnant state. Of course, I've always been drawn to baby items. Therefore, maybe I just need to find a baby hat pattern I like and crank those out whenever the urge strikes me.

Thank you to Michelle, Jennifa, Bliss, and Maureen for your encouraging comments. I'm coping pretty well right now and hoping for the best.

My next post will be positive. I promise.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Looking for a Tumor

They're looking for a tumor, in me.

The first test is scheduled for the 29th. I guess, since it's that far away, they either don't believe I really have one or they don't think it's very large/serious.

I'm stressed, but still living life, still taking care of my family, still working, still knitting, still praying.

On a positive note, my friend who has Hodgkin's Disease is doing very well. His tumor shrunk to half it's size with only one treatment.

His second treatment was today. I'll probably try to check on him tomorrow. I'm just going to let him rest today.

The blanket is still coming along. I'm almost done with the fourth 100g skein. It's looking more and more like an afghan than pillow cover.

Going to try to get my hair done this weekend. Hoping it will make me feel better.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Quick Post

I'm in a hurry but wanted to post a quick photo.

It was hard to capture a decent photo while in a hurry but hopefully this will do, for now.

I'll measure it in the next shot or at least compare it to something so you can see that it's actually growing.

I'm almost down three 100gm skeins, which is like 6 skeins of your average yarn. I'm feeling pretty good about that.

We have a knitting meeting tonight. Hoping to go for a short time.

So far my friend is still doing well. Going to call him later for an update.